There are times in your life when you realize that you are walking through an experience that will change you and your family forever. In the days that followed Calebs surgery there was a basic sense of functioning that kept you walking through the steps of each moment. But in the last couple of daysthere have been moments when we have been able to catch our breath and begin to process all that this last week has meant.
How do you begin to unravel such an experience as this? I am well aware that we are far from even at the end of this process and our surgeons remind us that this can in fact be the easier part. There is the expectation that as we progress with the lengthening that the process will actually become more complicated and painful.
It is a strange feeling to realize that you view things so differently. It is overwhelming to realize all that we have faced and walked through in 10 days. It is humbling to realize just how held and supported we have been by friends and strangers alike all over the world. It is humbling to realize that in many ways you are grateful for the experience because of the depth of things that God has revealed to us in this time.
Dont get me wrong, there is so much of this week that has felt like the essence of brokeness. There are moments that are etched into my memory that I wish I could forget. A mother does not forget the sound of her child screaming in agony. A mother does not easily continue to complete a procedure that requires two adults to hold her son down. A mother does not forget the moments of confrontation when she arose to defend and protect her little one.
But there are moments of intimacy, revelation, tenderness, brokeness, agape love and overwhelming support that have left larger imprint in my heart that soothe the tears of the pain. There is a maturing in my trust, whole hearted dependancy and hope in not only my God and who He is, but in His word and its life giving, comforting, understanding power.
I watch my boy and realize that he will not be the same either. In the moments of pain and terror, my boy has disappeared and I have cried for the loss of him, but then he smiles shows me his eyes and I know that he too is just transforming and changing. He too must be given the space and time to grieve, process and learn through this as much as he needs. My Claeb was born and has been prepared for this since his moment of creation. His Father has given him all he needs to get through this and through the process of pain, he too will not be the same. He too will mature and be given revelation and understanding. He too will have the power of the word to hold him firm in hope and understanding. He too will have more understanding of just how powerful the love and support of friends and strangers can be. He too will become more of who he was created to be.
How do you begin to unravel such an experience as this? I am well aware that we are far from even at the end of this process and our surgeons remind us that this can in fact be the easier part. There is the expectation that as we progress with the lengthening that the process will actually become more complicated and painful.
It is a strange feeling to realize that you view things so differently. It is overwhelming to realize all that we have faced and walked through in 10 days. It is humbling to realize just how held and supported we have been by friends and strangers alike all over the world. It is humbling to realize that in many ways you are grateful for the experience because of the depth of things that God has revealed to us in this time.
Dont get me wrong, there is so much of this week that has felt like the essence of brokeness. There are moments that are etched into my memory that I wish I could forget. A mother does not forget the sound of her child screaming in agony. A mother does not easily continue to complete a procedure that requires two adults to hold her son down. A mother does not forget the moments of confrontation when she arose to defend and protect her little one.
But there are moments of intimacy, revelation, tenderness, brokeness, agape love and overwhelming support that have left larger imprint in my heart that soothe the tears of the pain. There is a maturing in my trust, whole hearted dependancy and hope in not only my God and who He is, but in His word and its life giving, comforting, understanding power.
I watch my boy and realize that he will not be the same either. In the moments of pain and terror, my boy has disappeared and I have cried for the loss of him, but then he smiles shows me his eyes and I know that he too is just transforming and changing. He too must be given the space and time to grieve, process and learn through this as much as he needs. My Claeb was born and has been prepared for this since his moment of creation. His Father has given him all he needs to get through this and through the process of pain, he too will not be the same. He too will mature and be given revelation and understanding. He too will have the power of the word to hold him firm in hope and understanding. He too will have more understanding of just how powerful the love and support of friends and strangers can be. He too will become more of who he was created to be.
2 comments:
There will be a moment in time, when perspective will arive, in perfect Godly timing when you'll realise that what you have experienced can be used to help others go through a similar struggle. Bringing hope and peace to others cannot be underestimated. For now, just know that your unusual journey has a great Godly purpose - and most of these special God journeys involve the absolute wrenching of every part of your being and emotions. The painful privelege of being God's faithful servant; PHILIPIANS 1:18-19 "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." Look where Paul's trials and tribulations lead!!!! Sending you love and praying for strength always xoxo
Hi Janet
You can definitely tell that God has his arms totally wrapped around you and your family. From your writings we read and are touched so powerfully by what God is doing in your lives. We as friends and family are rallying together to pray and support you and your family, and in return, you are blessing us with the reminder of how awesome our God is. How much we take things for granted - in tough times and in good times God gives us never ending strength to keep going with the end result of giving him the glory for our accomplishments.
I am constantly moved by your writings and encourage you to keep writing. If not through this site but to keep a journal for yourself as a tool for strength, not just for yourself but for others to read in the future.
Week one at home is nearly ended. You have done it. Look eagerly for week two and to what God will do.
Love and hugs to you all.
Christine Rice
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