The marathon

Caleb helps with pin site care

I haven’t written for a while and in the times I have had a moment, I have struggled to know what to write. Life has turned into a day passing another day experience and it is difficult to explain it briefly. Life runs between feeling like a new way of normal to being a day where it will never feel like a normal way of living. Caleb seem to be increasing amounts of pain and he is struggling at times to manage through the pain, and yet he is going to school more. We find that although he is in pain, the empowerment that he feels by being able to participate in a normal daily routine, gives him greater levels of confidence and achievement. He is much more mobile and is using crutches more but along with his independence comes the constant reminder of his restrictions. He struggles to interact at times, preferring to escape into his Wii or DS but there are times that we make him interact and in those times we appreciate the togetherness and chance to probe into his little spirit. He is still quite dependant on me as mummy, but he is learning to trust others with his care and emotions. He is even starting to helo with his pin site care. The whole experience is more than any child should have to experience- but he continues with much courage and adaptation.

We saw 28mm of new growth on the x ray on Tuesday- such a smile and relief to know that his bone is growing and that the bone growing is stronger than expected!! They are still not sure of the end point of lengthening.
Part of Calebs knee problem has been the valgus created by having no ligaments. Now than he has ligaments in his knee, it may actually create more length for his leg length, but they will not know until they take the top frame off. The complication comes in that they cannot take the top frame off until they finish lengthening?? Our surgeons admit it is tricky and complicated for them to predict.

It truly feels as though we are in a marathon and that each part of the race bring different challenges and calls upon different needs and resources. Dug has been to Perth and back this week and mums and dad have returned home. This has meant a new dynamic in the home and it unfortunately came at the same time as a bad asthma attack and a virus for me. Through the grace of God, Dug returning home and the support of precious friends, I have been able to have a day at home today and found that God has spoken quite clearly to me. Yesterday in a weak moment, I found myself reflecting on the verse: “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall rise up on wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they will walk and not fain” I found myelf crying out to God- HOW GOD? How do we run and not grow weary and not be faint, because honestly I AM FAINT AND WEARY. And then he directed my eyes to the beginning of the verse “They that WAIT upon the Lord” How do I wait upon the Lord?
One of my wise girlfriends told me that the verse is “A little bit of a shut the hell up”
And she was right- God was telling me to simply stop, stop thinking, stop trying, stop talking, stop worrying and WAIT! Wait for Him to renew, wait for Him to refresh, wait for Him to strengthen, wait for His wisdom!! It means to be renew and to keep walking, I need to STOP first and wait for HIM. It is not easy nor is it very clear but it was a very strong word to keep going I must first wait and let Him work and renew.

And so life is constant and I will not lie and tell you it is easy, but it is ok and through it all, I am so glad to be directed and spoken to by the Living God who takes us from exhaustion in the times when we reach our physical and emotional ends and takes us to a new place of understanding and wisdom!