Each page of the story

This season that we are in is so unpredictable. In the middle of a semmingly quiet moment, I take a moment to reflect on all that has happened in this week. Today is our 10th wedding anniversary and when I look back I realise that this day 10 years ago I could never have predicted the journey that we are now walking. But then this time 6 months ago I could never have understood all that was ahead of us. It is funny how we look at life with a sense of expectation of what our days will look like. We plan and make arrangements to be as prepared for each of our days as we can. We approach each day with a certain amount of security in the predicatbility of what it may bring.... but what happens when it does not look as we expect? This week and indeed these last 6 weeks have brought a complete level of uncertainty into our lives. Each hour is determined and planned around Caleb and his needs. Our plans for our weekends and nights are literally last minute and unpredictable. Our expectation of each day has come down to the basics of that we will deal with it as it comes. I have put a bag into the car now, that has spare clothes for Caleb and I and the basics that we may need if admitted to hospital. It is almost having the bag packed for when I was pregnant.

Expectation is a funny thing- we all have it. Expectation of our circumstances, expectations of others, expectations of oursleves. But for us in this season, expectations are dangerous and frought with possible disappointment. There are so many possibilities of this circumstance, that we find oursleves being as educated and confident as we can be- but not in the outcome but in the process we are walking through. It makes such a difference!! We can only step forward into the next step and then the one after that. We must give our full attention to this one step and not focus on the outcome, because each step determines the next. Does that mke any sense?

I remember crying our to God once and asking for Him to show me the end of this story- "just give me a glimpse God" and He swiftly replied that this is another story that I must read one page at a time. if I were to sneak a peak to the ending, it would not make sense without all the richness of the story unfolding on each page. He told me that each page tells its own important part and to skip it would leave a big hole in the whole story.

Our life, with all its unpredicatbilities has become like that! Each day is a page and in it the story unfolds and moves us to understand the next page more fully. I'll be honest, sometimes I want to rip those pages out, but then what is any good story without the overcoming of difficulty, the heroic perserverance of its main character, the triumph of the ending- happy or sad?

There is no predictability in our story for now, but there certainly is an author who continues to direct us through each page with all its challenges and triumphs. An author who stands with us at the end of each day and gives us enough light on the next page, the next step to walk into it. An author who does indeed know the end of the story and who we trust will stand with us in the end whether it is indeed a happy or sad ending.